Growing up, I never truly understood what it meant to be unapologetically yourself. As a young girl who struggled with bullying and people judging me about the way I looked, I never knew where I belonged and grew up learning to hate myself too.
I spent so many years of my life (including most of my 20's) worrying about my weight and what I looked like as well as always feeling afraid to speak the truth, share my feelings or opinions, on the basis that people would judge me, dislike me or worse, turn their backs on me - ultimately living a lie to be 'perfect'. However, by trying to impress others, I started to lose myself and didn't know where to turn. I didn't know who I was, nor who I wanted to be.
A wise person once said...
"You can't let people scare you. You can't go your whole life trying to please everyone else. You can't worry what everyone else is going to think. Whether it is your hair, clothes, what you have to say, how you feel, what you believe and what you have, you can't let the judgement of others stop you from being you. Because if you do, you're no longer you. You're someone that everyone else wants you to be."
As someone who battled depression at a young age, heart ache and loss of loved ones over the year, lies, deceit and disappointment, it would have been easy for me to shut off from the world and become cold, but I chose not to do that, I chose to keep my heart open. Some will say that it's a sign of weakness, but I see it as a sign of strength because when you leave yourself open, beautiful things can happen.
Over the years I have met some of the most amazing friends I could ever ask for, developed a closer relationship with my family, found better peace within myself, been able to forgive people who have hurt me, let go of those I could never love and found the courage to travel to some of the most beautiful places in the world on my own. I’ve been able to learn to accept the way I look and my weight, even if some days are worse than others. It has also helped me focus on my career, always finding the drive to work harder to achieve my goals to become successful.
In a generation where love is hard to find and people are afraid to be hurt, it has become easier to walk away, play games and take the easy route out. But if everyone chooses to do that, things will never change. So I choose to stay vulnerable. Dating and friendships are tougher than ever and people are feeling like they have to be someone else in order to impress others. Everyone has a past and are facing their own struggles, but if you only judge or run away, and don't take the time to get to know each other, you will never be able to form deeper connections.
You see, no matter what I have been through in my life, I will continue to see the good in people and will take the time to listen to others and allow them open up to me, so that I can provide them with reassurance and love wherever I can. I do this because I know how it feels to be judged and made to feel irrelevant.
Finally (at 30), I now understand the importance of being happy in myself. I know that I am far from perfect, I have made mistakes, I push people away, I have scars, I wish I was thinner, I get hurt easily, I can be stubborn and am sometimes a little too emotional - but that's who I am. There is no doubt that I will continue to love and care too much, and will still allow myself to foolishly get hurt and trust people that I shouldn't - because it's how I learn, after all I am human. We all are.
2018 was a fantastic year for me, not only because I got to travel but I took the time to focus on myself. It was a real eye opener and I was able to achieve so much, it was the gateway to me creating a better understanding of me as a person and where I want to be. I have made a promise that 2019 will be my year of growth, as I am now in the country I want to be in, with the opportunity to start living the life I always dreamed of.
Over the past year people have told me how courageous I have been to travel the world on my own, but the truth is that it 's taken me so much more to find the courage within, to be and love myself.
I know I'm not perfect but the one thing I am, is real and honest. So from this point forward, I will continue to be true, beautiful and unapologetically myself - and for anyone who struggles too, I want you to know that you aren't alone and I hope you'll do the same.
Remember, we were all born to shine not to be perfect, so be yourself with no apologies and don't let people who don't care dim your sparkle.
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